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"You've Got a Friend?"

12/05/2019 02:43:08 PM

Dec5

Rabbi Reuben Israel Abraham, CDR, CHC, USN (ret)

In this week's parashah, Parashat Vayeitzei, we find the following: "And it was when Lavan heard the news of Ya'akov, the son of his sister, that he ran toward him, and he embraced him, and he kissed him, and he brought him into his house;...." (Bereshit 29:13)  It is interesting to note how Rashi takes note of the fact that Lavan ran toward Ya'kov.  Why did Lavan do this?  Rashi states that Lavan was certain Ya'akov had come laden with wealth and precious gifts as had Avraham's senior servant when he came looking for a wife for Yitzchak.  Upon discovering that Ya'akov was empty-handed, Lavan then surmised that Ya'akov had diamonds concealed in his clothing.  Rashi then states that Lavan embraced Ya'akov and slid his hands over Ya'akov's garments.  When he still felt nothing there, Lavan believed that in order not to be robbed, Ya'akov had hidden his valuables in his mouth.  It is then that Lavan kissed Ya'akov lovingly.  But the result was the same: Ya'akov had nothing on him.  The question must be asked: why did Rashi interpret Lavan's actions as relayed in the Torah text in such a negative light?  Why did he not assume that Lavan was hugging and kissing Ya'akov because he was his nephew?

While we have all come across people who come across as being the best of friends, as being the closest of any acquaintances, sometimes we discover that these people only want to come close to us in order to use us for some purpose that benefits only themselves.  We almost always discover this when, after receiving what they want, they quickly disappear from our lives treating us with indifference never to be seen again.  We see this at the end of this week's parashah: "And Lavan arose early in the morning, and he kissed his (grand)sons and his daughters and he blessed them; and he went, and Lavan returned to his place." (Bereshit 32:1)  Why did he not kiss Ya'akov?  The Chofetz Chayim says that because Ya'akov had come empty-handed, there was no need for Lavan to kiss him good-bye.

A true friend is not someone who hugs and kisses you in order to get something in return.  A true friend is someone who genuinely cares about you expecting nothing in return.  What is the best way to gain such friends?  Be one yourself to all whom you want as friends.

Fri, March 29 2024 19 Adar II 5784